Now playing: And Now My Lifesong Sings by Casting Crowns
Humor
Who thinks this stuff up???
Heaven is Where: The Police are British, The Chefs are Italian, The Mechanics are German, The Lovers are French and It's all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where: The Police are German, The Chefs are British, The Mechanics are French, The Lovers are Swiss and It's all organized by the Italians.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Welcome to Utah Set your watch back 20 years.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I am a Nobody. Nobody is Perfect. Therefore I am Perfect.
Dyslexics Have More Nuf.
In Memoriam With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started
Red meat is not bad for you Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
I am having an out-of-money experience.
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Things to Ponder
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.
'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this?The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.'
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, 'Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?'
New Chemical Element
Recent hurricanes, gasoline and economc issues are proof of the existence of a new chemical element.
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium(Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's Mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
Isn't Science Wonderful!!!!!!
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
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